November 29 2023
I re-did my painting I did in honour of my Sapan Kunshi Marina (Great-Grandmother Marina)
The original meaning of this painting is about the importance of hair. I have the original excerpt under the original painting. My kunshi used to always touch and play with my hair when I was with her. This was the main symbolism in the painting.
I redid it because she sadly passed around this time. And I was truly having hard time dealing with it. One of my comforts in life was her playing with my hair. When I wasn’t with her at least it was down my back. The weight of it all gave me comfort. I always told her I grew my hair out for her, so when she passed, I cut it and gave it to her.
She always retold the story of her as a girl. When she was first taken to residential school, and every time I let her, instead of correcting her. When with her parents her hair was past her knees. Her mom helped groom and take care of her hair everyday.
The way she explained it that was the norm. Her mom, aunties, even the men, had long hair they maintained. As far as she knew she was gonna be like that till she was old. Expecting to live a life like her mother’s. (What’s even crazier I’ve met her mother my great-great grandmother)
When they took her she was I’d say a pre-teen. She never said how old she was at the time but that she was slightly older than most girls who got shipped off. Upon arriving she was met with unforgiving nuns.
It was her along with a group of girls mostly around her age and younger. Taking them to a deep basement to “process” them. They chopped their hair above the ears, to this day, we don’t know what they did with their hair. She assumed they burned them in the incinerator they had there.
Next they washed their hair in coal oil. The nuns stated “these children must be cleaned of lice and anything else they might bring” as if they were animals. My grandmother remembers how she was in shock. And how worried she was for her baby brother, my unkan(grandfather) Gordon, who came with her.
Even after my kunshi graduated, got married, had kids, grandkids, etc. She never grew it back. After questioning her she confessed after graduating she didn’t feel like she should. A result of years of brainwashing by the religious regime not her.
So every time she asked me to turn around I would. I couldn’t even get my hair trimmed at one point because she thought it’d be too short. It’s been over a year since she’s passed. And I’m still trying to figure out a life without her.
Sad as it is she’s truly at peace. Now she’s free and back with her family. I truly hope she’s wearing my hair lol because I miss it as much as I miss her.
I’m very grateful that I was her great granddaughter and we had a special connection. It was very rare, how many can say they’ve met their great grandmother, let alone have a bond with her? I feel we both healed a lot of generational trauma together.
Majority of my art is inspired by her. And there’s still more to come.